Coping by Complaining: is it helping or hurting you?

I’ve been so much more aware of my thoughts lately, and I’ve realized how much complaining can become just like another unhealthy coping mechanism we turn to in times of stress. Complaining tends to build, heighten, and make everything seem a thousand times worse. Complaining can be fueled by emotions and feelings, which then lead to the thoughts and behaviors that we often don’t like (ie. tuning out our kids or responsibilities, zoning out of the present, and not being kind to those around us). 

I’ve personally felt convicted of my grumbling lately. Muttering under my breath as I clean up messes, put socks in the hamper, and clean out yet another uneaten meal from my girls’ plates. I make comments about why I even clean since things get messy again, and why no one helps me around the house when I need it. But I’ve realized a LOT lately about the constant script going on in my head, and I’ve questioned whether it’s life giving to my family, or if it’s adding to the tension and stress of the home. And I’ll give you a hint, the answer is not the life-giving one! Lol

Now don’t get me wrong, there is a time and space for venting, and also making your needs and preferences known to your family. But I’ve also been asking myself how I’ll feel about the way that I am approaching motherhood and these early years in the next 10 years. Am I going to have a full heart that I spent so much time invested and active with my girls, teaching them and nurturing them? Or am I going to regret that most of the time I was negative and complaining and approaching motherhood as a chore instead of as the gift it is. And for me personally, as someone who used to write “mama” on any paper in elementary school that asked what I wanted to be when I grew up...I definitely want to look back on these years with a full and grateful heart. 

Of course we all have regrets, hard days, and hot mess mom moments, and we all are learning on this journey, but my intention lately has been to approach each day with a gentle and gracious heart towards my family. To speak to them the way I would want to be spoken to, to be aware of my thoughts and pray they are fixed on the good, and to communicate in a loving way instead of in a nagging or grumbling manner. 

So what are some healthier ways to cope with the exhaustion and overwhelm that are a natural part of being a mom? For me, things like my morning routine, having phone-free time, outdoor walks, and engaging with my girls versus disengaging have been MUCH more productive and life-giving ways to handle the stress of this season. As much as we may all want to disengage, polish off all their snacks during naptime, and tune out life, most of the time the opposite is what helps us feel better and equips us to approach each day with a strengthened soul. 

So to that exhausted mama out there, I see you, I feel you, and I encourage you to simply start changing that internal dialogue and watch how it will change your behaviors and attitudes, too!